I had a conversation with one of my best friends about a month ago about the idea that everything happens for a reason and to what extent our free will affects our fate or destiny.  The conversation got me thinking about my way of thinking (I know, super introspective right?) and I started to really parse out the different pieces and figure out the “why”.  From this month-long-ish journey, I’ve realized that I believe wholeheartedly in three things: everything happens for a reason, everything can be a lesson if you choose for it to be, and positive thinking trumps optimism.  In this post, I’ll break down the difference between positive thinking and optimism, and why I choose to think positively.  Hopefully this will inspire you to figure out the “why” and adopt or maintain a better way of thinking. 

So first let’s talk about the difference between optimism and positive thinking.  Optimistic thinkers tends to focus on the idea that everything will work out, which means that you can sometimes be blindsided by situations that occur.  Positive thinkers acknowledge that problems can occur and that everything won’t always work out the way you planned, unless you’re prepared to take action.  This way of thinking gives you room to truly embrace all of the possibilities and be prepared if things don't go as planned.

I think that positive thinking is a skill that you have to develop, it definitely was not innate or natural for me.  I used to be a realist/borderline pessimist because that’s where I was comfortable.  I believed in expecting the worst so that I wouldn’t ever be disappointed, which looking back I now know was a terrible way to think and function.  To change this, I had to be intentional.  I took the time to think intentional thoughts and say meaningful affirmations when I got up in the morning and before I went to sleep at night until positive thoughts became natural.  I told people around me what my goals were so that they could hold me accountable when I start slipping into negativity.  I stopped burdening my friends with the same deadbeat conversation about situations I had no control over/couldn’t change.  I had to recognize that my way of thinking was limiting, and I did not want to limit my thoughts because when you limit your thoughts, especially with negativity, you limit your outcomes.

When you think something is possible, you start to look for ways to achieve it.  I thought optimism was the solution, but I found myself on the opposite end of the spectrum: believing that I would never be disappointed if I chose to look at everything as a lesson.  Obviously, only planning for perfection and good things is a way of thinking that is bound to fall apart eventually because that’s just not how life works. Everything does not always go my way, but I’ve chosen to try to solve the problems instead of being mad that I ran into a problem in the first place. If I can’t solve it, I can at least learn from the experience so that I do things differently next time, which is the prime way in which the “taking action” part of positive thinking manifests in my life.  Sulking in the defeat of what could’ve, should’ve, or would’ve been does not help you.  Taking action to somehow turn that negative thing into a positive will help you.

I think positive thinking fits into the whole self-care realm because positive thinking involves a lot of positive self-talk as I stated earlier.  Self-talk is the never ending stream of thoughts that run through your head, like a stream of consciousness.  Your self-talk can either be positive or negative, and I want to encourage people to have positive self-talk that little voice inside can have a huge impact on how you live your life.  It uplifts you when no one else does.  It enables you to attract what your heart desires in friendships and relationships, and it ultimately influences the way you think.  So I’d like to leave you with 3 of my favorite positive self-talk mantras:

I am capable, I am confident, I am blessed and I am enough.

I cannot expect victory while planning for defeat.

For everything I’ve lost, I’ve gained something else.  I appreciate all that I have right now because life does not have to be perfect for it to be wonderful.

Thanks for journeying with me.